i am the darkness

Hi folks! As I work on healing from this tendonitis, I’m not going to be posting regularly. However, I’m not going to disappear entirely—hopefully I’ll be able to post something about once a week. Thanks as always for being such amazing readers. 


i am afraid of the darkness

the darkness inside

inside me


life whirls by,

the days hurled high,

and you try to swim

but you have no strength

so you sink

into the blur

and you drink

the elixir

of pleasure


(i’ll do anything to escape

escape the pain

the pain of me)


the potion soothes,

the pathway smooth,

and you keep on drinking

and you keep on drowning

so you sink

into the mire

and you think

you’re higher—



and there in the pit

you’ve carved out for yourself

you taste the dirt in your mouth

and feel the pain you tried to flee

wrack every nerve in vicious glee


and there in the pit

you are forced to admit to yourself

that it’s dirty and it’s dark

and the pleasure betrayed

and that this whole hell is




i am the pain

i am the lie

i am the dirty

i am the dark


i am the darkness


what do you do when the war you were waging

against some far away foe

turns into a war you can’t wage because

it is against you, yourself


how can darkness drive out darkness?


what if you don’t even want to drive it out?


i am ice,

fatally numb

i am fire,

insatiably destructive

i am nothing,

vast emptiness

i am everything,

sickening gluttony

i am darkness


and in all my great strength—

strength to kill and to hate



strength to destroy all things,

myself most of all—

i cannot






and the Light says:

now you are ready

and reaches out

to sear the darkness

with its infinite glory


and the darkness in all its strength

cannot stand before it

and the darkness is gone

but somehow you are still there

and now


now you are light

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. ~ Eph. 5:8

10 responses to “i am the darkness”

  1. This is beautiful. Thank you for writing it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. so true. so amazingly, wonderfully, true. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Victoria NightSky Avatar
    Victoria NightSky

    oh my word abs this is amazing and wow.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love this. Keep spreading the hope, Keari. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. There’s so much powerful emotion in this – it sounds like these thoughts are literally pounding through a person’s head. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This is awesome. The emotion you created was fantastic.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. So amazing!! I really felt the emotion of this as I read it. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is beautiful, Abby! ❤ I love the ending, and the reference to "Be Kind to Yourself" by Andrew Peterson.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. So beautiful. ❤ I love your loose use of rhyme; it makes it almost sound like it could be a spoken word poem. And it reminds me of Kalmar, which makes it even better.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Dearest Abby,

    This is great!



    Liked by 1 person

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